Wednesday, 20 June 2007

Hello, I suppose.

My name is Mz Roxette Aurelia MacNeil-Brough; you certainly may NOT call me Roxy - Mz MacNeil-Brough will suffice, or Roxette Aurelia in the unlikely event that I find you anything more than tolerable.

I am starting this Web Log as a public service, since a great many people have expressed a desire to know more about my life. While much of my working life is highly classified and important and as such cannot be revealed in such a public forum as this, you will nevertheless find more than enough here to keep you thoroughly enraptured and in all likelihood envious of my high-flying lifestyle.

I shall begin with introductions. Or, more specifically, one introduction since your life is no doubt far too boring and mundane for me to have any interest in listening to. If you think of me as a feline Lara Croft you won’t go too far wrong – I am refined yet adventurous, ladylike but ready to kick butt when required. A look at my ancestry explains both my good looks and civilised yet feisty demeanour – for I am descended from the great Cats of old; the Sabre-toothed Tigers and mighty black Panthers that held their rightful place as rulers of all they surveyed. Their noble blood flows in my veins and I can slink, pounce and attack as well as any Cat. I also have royal blood - my lineage has also been traced to the Cats of Egypt, rightly revered as gods by their pitiful human slaves. From this refined bloodline I get my imposing presence and refined deportment. Finally, it must be confessed that my more recent forebears also include the common brush-tail possum, but one does not like to dwell on such things.

I am a Cat of the world and have travelled extensively and lived in many houses. I do not like to talk about my early life but suffice to say I was born into rags rather than the riches that I deserve. It was not until I suffered the indignity of being rescued from a prison for underprivileged Cats by a pair of wretched humans that my fortunes began to turn. My formative years were spent in a drab hovel in Sandy Bay where the overprotective humans I live with insisted on allowing me outside only when tethered to one of them, which - aside from being most undignified (on one occasion a kitten-human referred to me as a puppy of all things) prevented my from honing my hunting skills at a most important stage of my development.

This situation was most unsuitable for any Cat of my importance and it was not long before I decided to move into an exclusive apartment complex nearby and had my humans make the necessary arrangements. This was an excellent decision on my part, since apartment living afforded me the opportunity to expand my social network by introducing myself to the human neighbours; they considered it an honour to have me visit their apartments on my daily rounds. I also had many opportunities to work on my hunting skills by ambushing the local Cats, and soon established for myself a substantial estate including most of the grounds of the apartment complex.

I was moving up in the world and it was time to establish myself in the property market. I purchased a villa in Blackmans Bay and set my humans to work painting the interior and upgrading the garden to a standard more acceptable to a Cat like myself – it must be said that despite their many failings they do come in useful for these mundane tasks. It was not long after this, however, that I received a call from ASIO telling me that they were desperately in need of my superior intellect and unique skills – my reputation had obviously spread and I sent my humans to Canberra to find me suitable accommodation. In this task, they (predictably) failed completely - while the house itself was acceptable, it was shared with yet more humans! I found it draining having to entertain four humans with their silly games - like making reflections on the floor using a mirror which they insist I chase. However, there were positives. Having four laps to choose between allowed me some flexibility and the house did have extensive grounds, maintained by a gardener slave-human, and stairs to run up.

I cannot reveal anything about the work I was engaged in at ASIO, except to say that it was very secret, highly important and far too difficult for any mere human to perform. After 12 months, my natural aptitude for basically everything was so apparent that I was offered a promotion to an even more important position involving postings around the world. As fortune would have it, my first posting was back in Tasmania, so once again I had my humans pack up my belongings and sent them back to find a home for me - with strict instructions that it would not be shared!

And so I have moved to a small but historic cottage in Battery Point. While rather smaller than I am accustomed to, it has historic charm and an upstairs bedroom which I like as I find it rather amusing to race up the stairs. It also has some very nice sunny windows with broad sills for me to sit on, although to be perfectly honest I would prefer to just go outside - my humans are displaying their silly overprotective traits again and keeping me cooped up inside until I have become 'used to' the house. One can only guess as to why they think that I would become lost, since they seem to be able to blunder their way back every day from wherever it is they go.

And so that is my story to this point; I do not expect that I shall be able to reveal anything about my work life here - I shall refer to my work activities only as 'kittening', and leave it at that - but you will nonetheless find that I get up to a great many interesting things. I am certain you will enjoy reading about my life.